Doris Loraine Denson Shoptaw
September 17, 1931-December 19, 2009
Back in 1998 when my great-grandmother, Elby Shoptaw passed away-I spoke at her memorial service. Afterwards my grandmother, always know affectionately as “Maw” told me she wanted me to do the same for her when the time came.I had a hard time putting all of Maw’s good traits into writing. No matter how hard I try, I can never do justice to what she overcame in her lifetime.
She was a wife, mother, sister, grandmother and a friend to all of us. We shared a lot of good memories,I cannot begin to count the hours we spent sitting side by side visiting. She enjoyed cooking, growing her garden, and spending time with her family. Getting the family together to eat was almost like a hobby for her, her thoughts were always “if I cook, they will come”. And we would show up as expected most of the time. I learned much about cooking from her as I worked alongside her in the kitchen. When I went to college and began living on my own, I would often call and have her tell me the recipe for something I wanted to try and make. Mine was never as good as hers…but it sufficed and I eventually became a good enough cook in my own right.
Maw was a very strong woman and she always got her way. Maybe that’s one quality I got from her. She was also a very good adviser. I personally would seek her advice before I’d go to my parents. She never liked asking for help but she was always ready to lend a helping hand to others. She was a loyal wife, giving mother, and overindulgent grandmother. Despite her physical pain and struggles through the years, she alongside my grandfather remained a beacon of light as we weathered life’s storms.
Having at least partly raised my brothers and me-we loved spending as much time as possible at our grandparents’ house on weekends and during the summer. Helping care for the cattle on their farm, working in the garden, shelling the peas, shucking the corn, digging potatoes and picking the other assorted ripened vegetables that would be our meal later that day were some of the best experiences during my childhood. I learned at an early age that hard work and dedication resulted in not only a delicious dinner but also resonated the importance of working along side each other as a family.
So often my grandmother represented the role and offered the guidance and support of a mother, as well. She had the rare quality of always being much more than a relative; an open way of relating to us which also made her a best friend. She loved to go shopping for bargains and often took me along for the adventure. As her eyesight worsened her ability to shop waned but she still managed to read the sale paper ads and look for items on sale that she knew we would enjoy. Maw was a determined lady and never let anyone or anything keep her from doing what she wanted to do. Despite her poor vision and weakened physical state she still continued to cook, shop, and take care of her family.
She loved my Daddy, her only child, unconditionally despite his vices and self-destructive behaviors. A true matriarch of our family, she gave to us an example of a strong and determined spirit and taught us to stand strong for what we believed and that the life you are given is a gift and you should make the most of each day. As the oldest of her three grandchildren, and the only girl, she taught me much about caring for family and now the torch she carried all those years has been passed along to me.
In the hour at which she made her final passing from us, the look upon her face taught me the whole story: you are finally at rest and in complete peace. You are finally rewarded with a place which has no fear, no suffering, no cruelties nor injustices. A place far removed from the trials and tribulations of this thing which we call "life …"
Here is the poem I read at my grandmother's memorial service:
I remember soft and gentle hands,
Reaching out to dry my tears;
I remember warm and loving arms,
That chased away my fears.
Someone that I could run to,
Who always made sure she was there;
An ear that would patiently listen,
Someone who always cared.
There's something rare and wonderful,
God placed in a Grandmother's heart;
Something he knew a child would need,
Right from the very start.
Heaven has a place reserved For Grandmother's sweet and kind;
But I had a little Heaven on earth,
In the Grandmother I called mine.
